Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Boggle is not a good source of baby names

Baby names.  This is one of the funnest parts of having a kid, but also the most stressful.  You get to decide what a person will be known as for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.  There have been studies on how names affect a person's employability in adulthood, social and emotional development through childhood, and even their odds of becoming a criminal!  I have come across some pretty outrageous baby name ideas on BG.  I know, I know, compiling a list of the tackiest baby names you see has been done before, but too friggen bad, I'm doing it too.  It's just too funny to pass up!


Now you may be wondering to yourself, "what makes a baby name tacky?  What you think is nice, I may hate, and visa versa".  Very true.  So please, don't get your panties in too much of a bunch, should you see your baby's name up here.  It's all in good fun!

First, we must begin with...

The Top 5 Ways to Guarantee Your Child a Life of Shame...
1.  Insert an apostrophe into a name randomly.  When reading music, an apostrophe above the note indicates when to pause to take a breath.  When reading a name, an apostrophe indicates when to pause to figure out how the f* to pronounce the rest of the name.  Or in the case that it's easy to pronounce, the apostrophe indicates when you should pause to maintain a straight face and composure so as not to look at the parents and ask, "really???"

2.  Replace all 'I's with 'Y's... and throw in a few extras for good measure. It will make it easier for the teacher to recover gracefully when she gets caught mumbling "whyyyyyyy?" under her breath.  Parent- "What?"  Teacher- "Oh, I was just spelling her name in my head... A-Y-S-H-Y-L-Y... how unique!"

3.  Love SciFi?  Or Fantasy?  There is a wealth of great names hidden amongst your favorite video game/mini series/TV show/fairy tale!  PSYCH!!  (oh yeah, I just pulled out the 'psych' straight from 1992, watch out!)

4.  Cultural Names.  There is nothing wrong with naming your child something from your family's heritage... so long as the culture your child will grow up in includes the same linguistics.  Otherwise you get poor little Siobhan (pronounced shi-VAWN) being called 'see-YO-ba-han' for the rest of her life.  Either that or "see... syo... uhm... sweetie!"

5.  Trying to hard to be unique.  Step one:  dump all letters from scrabble into scrabble bag.  Step two:  shake bag.  Step three:  remove 7 letters at random, and voila!  Your very own unique baby name!  Skzirft will be SO HAPPY her name is so different from her friends'! 

And there you have it.  I'll have some great name examples up once I see those oh-so-glorious posts entitled "uncommon/unique baby names?".  Trust me, there's much lolling to be had.

[z]

"If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you."

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