Thursday, September 3, 2009

SAHM vs. Working Mother

Let me start this blog by saying, NONE of what I am about to say refers to single mothers.  When I say "working mother" here, I am referring to mothers who choose to work.

I have been told by several people, some who are mothers, some who are not, that my role as a stay at home mom is outdated, and I am basically just living off of my husband.  Once I got over the urge to strangle these people, I got to thinking about what kind of mentality it must take to come to that conclusion.  There's the feminist part of not being confined to the role of mother and wife.  There's the working mothers' justification to one's self that they're doing things right.  There's the jealousy of the men who must leave the home to work.

My personal beliefs are that if a woman chooses to be a mother, she chooses to be a mother above all else.  For a woman to choose to bring children into this world, then pay someone else to raise them, why not just put them up for an open adoption?  Your role as mother is to teach, comfort and instill values in your children, while placing their needs above yours.  How are you going to do this when you see your children for an hour before work and an hour before bed?  Two hours a day is not enough time to properly raise a child.

This statement may shock some, but I think mothers who choose to work while their children are at home are selfish and lazy.  I know some of you may say "how can a woman who goes to work 8 hours a day and comes home to children be called lazy?"  Those of you who stay home to raise their children can easily answer this.  Being employed at a job consists of a specific list of tasks to complete.  There is a clear cut right and wrong way to do things.  Oh, and YOU GET PAID, AND TIME AWAY FROM WORK!  SAHMs are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without a paycheck.  Teaching children who don't have a clear understanding of anything, lessons that don't have a right or wrong answer.  We are shaping human beings and creating the next generation!  How much more demanding could a job be?  This is the job you signed up for when you decided to have kids.  To pay someone else to do it for you makes you a failure and unfit.

Like I said though, those who are forced to work due to extenuating circumstances are exempt from my harsh judgments.  Those mothers are still putting their children first because they realize that they must sacrifice their time at home with their children in order to pay for necessities.  They're not willfully giving their children away so they can drive BMWs and wear Manolo Blahniks.   Hopefully you see the difference.

I consider it a blessing to be able to stay at home with my children.  There was a point when I thought I had to go back to work, and I cried for an entire week at the thought of leaving my 6 month old in a nursery in the same building I'd be teaching in.  It is my job and my privilege to raise my children to be good people and role models for their peers.  I realize I could go to work in my chosen field, which starts at 60k a year around here, and we'd have our cars paid off, a nice house under our feet, and money to spare.  But instead I choose to stay at home, play with my children, read to them, be the one to kiss their booboos, hug them when they wake up from their naps and cuddle them as they fall asleep.  I endure their hatred as I punish them, their tantrums, their sicknesses.  I juggle the housework, the tears, the diapers, the sleepless nights, and the bills all with a smile on my face.  Yes, of course that early morning scowl counts as a smile!  Nobody else on this earth will get to take as much pride in what beautiful human beings my children will become.  No nanny, baby-sitter, or day care will be the reason for my children's successes or failures.  So what if we dine on store brand foods, or wear clothes from Walmart.  Nothing matters to me as much as my children, it's a pity the same can't be said about others.

Sorry to be so serious, but the sleep deprivation has also taken all of my wit and patience with idiots.  Don't worry, sarcastic old me will be back tomorrow.  Until then, endure my hate!  RAWR!


“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.” - Lin Yutang

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