One (or two?) of the appointments was for my children to both get their well-baby check ups. This, of course, includes shots. Hooray! Nothing spells best-day-ever like 2 children getting shots at the same time! Well, A and E were troopers and only cried for about 10 seconds each before being distracted by cheez-its or booby, respectively.
Before that though, was my favorite part, measurements! They give you a very vague idea of what your child is going to look like in the future. Little Miss E is going to be perfectly average. She's in the 50th percentile for everything. This is a surprise, considering Mr. A is going to grow up to be Andre the Giant with a head the size of a basketball. He's in the 75th percentile for height and weight, and between the NINETIETH and NINETY-FIFTH percentile for head size! No wonder the child destroyed my body when I gave birth to him! Don't worry I'll spare you the gory details. (If you ever find yourself wondering, stick a live grenade in a few inches of garden hose, let it off, and that's about what my body looked and felt like.)
I wonder what jobs he'll be able to get as a 7 foot tall ogre with a watermelon for a head? We're banking on Pats linebacker. He'll be able to afford the XXXXXXXXXXL custom fit helmets with the multi-million dollars he'll be raking in.
Now before you ask, "what are you feeding him?!" I will tell you. His diet consists of 90% all natural, healthy, no additives meals. In fact, I spend hours searching the stores just to find things like ham with no nitrates or preservatives, chicken nuggets with no additives, trans fats or preservatives, jelly made with 100% fruit, and snacks without added sugars. Yeah, I'm that mom. He does get some treats like regular peanut butter, graham crackers and cheez-its, but it's not common. So how does someone tiny like me (5'7, 115 lbs normally) create a child that is slated to be 6'2 and 180 lbs?
Magic! *does jazz hands*
No, not really. All the men in both mine and my husband's family are over 6' tall and 180 lbs. Some even getting as tall as 6'7! I think I should invest in horse tranquilizers now, in case he acts up as a teenager, what do you think? Maybe Amazon will have free shipping... *trails off, staring into space*
Anyways, at least I have a vague idea of what to expect from my kids when they get older. And that is a lucrative career as a giant human bobble-head for A, and being the most normal sized, average girl ever born into our family for E.
“Only mothers can think of the future - because they give birth to it in their children.” - Maxim Gorky