Friday, August 9, 2013

Pregosaurus Rant: Volume 4, Episode 1

I feel like I've really been depriving you guys of one of the greatest perks of my pregnancies: my epic rants.  This pregnancy has given me super zen feelings (unlike of L's pregnancy which gave me intense anxiety) so I haven't really had the need to rant about dumb stuff.

WELL let me change that for you!

Without further ado...

5 things that really piss me off...


1.  People that honk their horn to let you know they're home/leaving/here to pick you up.
Why on Earth do you think you're so special that the ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD wants to know what you're doing.  It's like the Facebook of your neighborhood.  Nobody cares if you're here or there or anywhere, except those who are waiting, so why are you broadcasting it?  Horns were made to be extremely loud so you can warn nearby cars of impending danger.  Horns were not made so you can annoy the everloving crap out of your neighbors.  Stop doing it.  ESPECIALLY since everyone and their grandmother has a cell phone.  So really, if you want to be rude and not go to the door, all you have to do is shoot a quick (QUIET) text to call your cattle.  Every time I hear someone honk to signal their friends to come out of their house, I silently beg the universe to give them a flat tire.

2.  People that think they are above the rules





When I went on vacation to Crappyfornia, naturally my first stop was In-n-Out.  I was starving, but unfortunately it was 1pm, peak gluttony time.  So we got in the mile long drive through line and waited.   Now, between the ordering menu and the end of the line, there was an intersection that allowed people in and out of the parking lot.  Wouldn't you know, there was a jerkhole that decided she was above the rules, and would cut in at said intersection, skipping the 20 or so cars behind that person.



This is a professional artist's capture of the actual scene as it played out.

Needless to say, the person behind them got out of their car and made very clear she needs to go to the back, or bad things were going to happen to her.  (That's paraphrased, I'm sure there were lots of F-bombs strewn about the actual exchange- it is crappyfornia after all)

You don't mess around with In-n-Out, that's all I'm sayin'.

What pisses me off is why in the world this lady would think she doesn't have to wait like everyone else?  She was in a mini-van for pete's sake, so it's not like she had some Kardashian-esque deluded sense of importance, she was just some soccer mom that thought she deserved it.  WHY?!  You deserve dysentery in your burger, that's what you deserve.

3.  Slow walkers that take up the whole sidewalk
Congratulations for having more than one friend to go with you on your geriatric lets-look-at-our-phones-instead-of-socialize walkabouts, but seriously, pay attention.  If you see people coming, MOVE.  You are not the grand poobah of the sidewalk.  Slap your mother for me for doing a poor job of teaching you manners, you ingrate.  I can't wait to watch you walk into a pole.

4.  Crappy college websites
It's like they want to advertise "We charge you a fortune, but give nothing back to our students."  Either that or "Do not under any circumstances take any of our web development classes."  I have never understood why a place that is supposed to teach you about life and how to become smarter, hires the most dyslexic 80 year old that's ever seen a Macintosh 128k and has a basic knowledge of HTML to design their websites.  The front end, the part that sells their school, is nice and snazzy, but once you get in to the student services area?  Screw that.  You can't find your butt from your elbow.  Absolutely everything is counterintuitive, without any sort of reasonable flow or sense to it.  I have never felt more out of touch with technology as I do when navigating my mother's, sisters', husband's or my own college websites.  That totals 6 different colleges, so I assume this is an epidemic, not just coincidence.  Hopefully they don't all go to Larry the Website Dude for their websites.  Either way, I'm 28 years old.  If your website is so epically stupid that I can't find my way around, you have a problem.  They don't get smarter the younger they are, you know.

5.  People who use "it could be worse" as a reason why you shouldn't be sad
I feel like I've ranted about this one before, but it's a doozy.  When something bad happens to you, you will ALWAYS have that one friend that says "well at least you're not starving to death in africa" or something along those lines.  As if the plight of Africans has anything in the freaking world to do with what you're dealing with.  Yes, first world problems are lame, but you know what?  We live in the first world.  And when things you're used to working stop working, or people you're used to trusting screw you over, or amenities you're used to partaking in stop becoming available, or food you're used to eating isn't right, or ANYTHING AT ALL, I don't want to hear about people who are vastly more miserable than me.  That doesn't make me happier, that makes me sadder to know people are suffering.  And you know what?  I could just fire back with "There are rich people in Beverly Hills who never have to worry about whatever stupid thing I'm complaining about, because they're so rich they pay people to deal with it for them."  AKA, sure, it could be worse, but it could also be a heck of a lot better.  So shut. up.

And there you have it.

You're.
Welcome.

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