I can't drink, so I blog
I have read the most amazing blog comment ever written. Please read and be hit in the feels like I was! This was a comment on another blog regarding chastity until marriage.
I know how bad it sucks to get negative/critical comments (I have a Youtube channel with over 1000 followers, and it still hurts every time). But I feel deeply obligated to say something here, and I don’t mean any offense; I love this what this blog stands for, but I have to speak up. Here it is:
First off, I believe in chastity. I’ve been with my sweetheart for 2 years, and we have never had sex. We have kept boundaries because of our faith, and to us it has been very meaningful.
Yet I cringe every time I hear young women being taught (or teaching) that “the most precious gift [they] own [is their sexual] purity,” as if a young women’s “purity” is synonymous with virginity. Purity can mean many things. Those of us (you and I) who believe in Christ know that true purity comes from Christ, not behavior. He’s the purifier – not something a person does or doesn’t do with their anatomy.
I will NEVER teach my daughters that the most precious part of them is sexual; nor will I teach that their beauty, power, or potential are determined by sexual behavior, feelings, or attitudes. (Yes, I even included behavior in there.) If one of my future daughters messes up, I would never think to say, “Damn sweetie, you lost the best gift you could ever possibly given. I guess your future husband will have to settle for second class.”
No, I will teach them that the most precious part of them – the part I love beyond words – is, well…them…who they are – the person that they are. I disagree that a girl who has lost her virginity has lost “the most precious gift” she possesses. In fact, I find it a little demeaning…maybe really demeaning
Now my sweetheart fiance (I’m 28, she’s 29) is a virgin, and I’m eternally thankful for that. I can’t express the immense faith, strength, character, and courage it displays. But I would never go as far as to say that it is the best part of her or her most precious gift. Christ is the giver of these virtues; not her sexual abstinence.
Her most precious gift to me will be herself – her companionship, her example to me and our children, her love and devotion, her strength. None of those things are diminished or destroyed by what she did or didn’t do with a part of her anatomy once upon a time…or twice upon a time, or many times upon a time etc. As long as she follows Christ, she’s good enough for me…and for Him.
Besides, even if her attributes and beauty were tarnished, diminished, or destroyed, isn’t Christ the restorer? Doesn’t He remove the sin AND the scar?
I don’t believe that He forgives people, and then secretly says, “Hey you’re forgiven, so that’s taken care of, but you’ve still spent the very best part of yourself. Sorry, you still won’t be able to give…you know, an ‘amazing’ gift… but it will still be good enough for someone hopefully.” Good Heavens, NO! He restores virtue where virtue was lost! He makes chaste that which was unchaste. In fact (and this is big), He makes us PERFECT. That’s right; not only His attributes, but He also gives us a squeaky clean track-record too!
So when we say that virginity (or even the broader “sexual purity”) is the most precious gift a person has to offer their spouse, are we saying that a girl that lost her virginity in high school and has since been forgiven and transformed through the saving power of Christ, DOESN’T have that special gift to give???
What about rape victims? What about poor choices in early childhood (Junior High and below)? (Believe me, having worked with youth most of my life, there are myriads of kids who lose their virginity early on for whatever reason.) What about the children who sexually abuse younger children or younger siblings? Have these little perpetrators given away or stolen “the most precious part” of themselves or others?
Are we aware of how common it is for a person’s “virginity” to be absent before reaching adulthood? I can almost guarantee that some of the young men and women who read this post, though they may have outwardly approved, ended up feeling super crappy about themselves (not that that was the intent at all; the idea behind the post itself was very beautiful)
There are a plethora of non-virgins that have ten times the sexual purity of many of the virgins out there. So why are we so quick to equate purity and chastity to behavior or track records? Isn’t chastity a state of the heart? Didn’t Someone once say “suffer none of these things [lust] to enter into THY HEART”
No one should accept that virgins have greater intrinsic value, or make more meaningful contributions to family and society, or give better gifts than non-virgins, especially when both sides are sincerely following Christ.
That’s all I have to say.
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