Saturday, November 9, 2013

Thanksblogging (still...)

I'm trying not to post every day since that can be boring, and by my google analytics nobody actually reads this anyways, so I've been waiting a few days between thanksblogging posts on purpose.  Now I have 5 days to make up for!

11-5: I am thankful for chocolate.  I think J K Rowling was onto something when she made chocolate a source of an almost magical healing in her books.  There is something about it, whether it be biological or psychological, that can instantly calm you.  I love chocolate.  I just wish it didn't give me such heartburn :-(

11-6: I am thankful for friends.  Real friends.  This whole year has been a blur for me.  I never knew I could feel so low and abandoned.  When I was at my lowest, I kept wondering where the people that always claimed they'd "be there through thick and thin" were.  The people I always expected to show up on my doorstep with a meal and a hug were nowhere to be found.

Surprisingly, there were a handful of people that I never expected to be there in such a personal, devastating time, that showed up, meal in hand, with that hug I needed.  I'm almost positive I stood there expressionless, almost robotic, while they talked at me and I politely thanked them for the food, otherwise unable to find words.  Even though the majority of the first half of the year is missing from my memory, I have moments I can recall feeling loved.  The surprising part was by whom.

The family member whose views differ so greatly from mine, who I talk to least throughout the year, was the only one who said the one simple sentence I didn't get from anyone else, but wanted so desperately to hear.  It was so insignificant to anyone else, I doubt they even remember saying it, but it meant so much to me.

The friend I felt I never truly connected with, despite the fact they were so sweet and caring, was the one who had the most profound impact on me.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her words.  She was much more eloquent than I will be here as I paraphrase, but she said to me, "I know it's hard to believe, but there will come a day you will be thankful for this trial because only when you've come out the other side will you realize just how much your Heavenly Father loves you and cared for you during this time.  There will be a time when you will feel Him release you from this protective bubble you have around you right now, during the most painful times, and only then will you truly understand how much He carried and protected you through this.  It sounds silly, but I feel bad for people who never get to experience this understanding, because it is more profound and testimony strengthening than any other spiritual experience I've ever had."  I can't say I've come out the other side just yet, but every word this person said to me was true.  And knowing there was someone else who survived something similar was really a beacon through the darkness I was in.

The friends who stopped by to do this and that without giving me looks of pity or making comments about why I was in my pajamas for the umpteenth day in a row.  The friends who let me spew whatever words I felt like saying without treating me differently the next day.  All of these people were the last people I ever expected to show up on my doorstep with love in their hearts for me.  And I am unbelievably thankful they did.

11-7:  I am thankful for my OB.  It sounds silly, but she is so sweet and funny and not-doctor-like, I actually look forward to my OB visits.  She always remembers my kids names and asks about them, she's like an extra grandma to them.  She never treats me like a patient, but instead like a friend.  Pregnancy is so hard, it's nice to know I have a person that is not only knowledgeable and helpful, but also is a significant part of the process, all while being a source of relaxation and ease of anxiety.  As opposed to my PCP whom I avoid at all costs, haha.

11-8:  I am thankful for antacids, without which I would never be able to enjoy pizza, chocolate or italian food during any of my pregnancies.  May heaven bless Bob Q. Pepcid, inventor of Pepcid Complete, and George H. Tums, inventor of Tums, both of whom I made up just now because I don't actually know who invented either of these things.  Bless you both.

11-9:  I am thankful for Target.  Im pretty sure me being thankful for Target is the equivalent of a crack addict being thankful for crack, so maybe it's not such a good thing, but I am thankful for Target.  I am addicted, and sometimes, when I'm really feeling down, a few hours at Target, a new belt and a new purse are all I need to feel good again.  Or maybe it's just perusing their holiday section.  Or their baby clothes.  Or shoes.  Or... okay do you see my problem?  They should really have Target Addicts Anonymous become a thing.

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