Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My life as of right now

I feel like life is sort of spiraling out of control right now.  I guess it has a habit of doing that in the last few weeks of pregnancy, when there are little kids that can see how immobile and impatient and short tempered you are.

There are a few other wrenches that have been thrown into my already hectic life, though.

First, my gram, one of my favorite people ever to exist on this planet, had to have surprise heart surgery a few days ago.  By "surprise heart surgery" I mean she had a regular physical, during which her dr referred her to a cardiologist because of weird heart sounds, who then told her she needed to have heart surgery immediately because she was literally a ticking (pun intended) time bomb.  Her heart valves were not functioning properly and she needed one or more replaced (I never got the full story on how many there were that needed replacing).  Either way, the dr said she couldn't wait until after the holidays, so they scheduled her at the very first opening they could make, December 12th.  We had to cancel our big family christmas that was scheduled for the 14th.  She went in on the 11th for tests and prep, and then had the surgery early on the 12th.  They ended up doing a bypass as well because she had a clogged artery, and hey, when you're already in there, do it!  The drs said the surgery went well and there were no negative surprises.

Gram is the white haired old lady in the middle


Unfortunately she has not continued recovering very well.  Granted, it's common in the elderly to take longer to recover, so we're not THAT worried yet, but she's not doing as well as we'd hoped.  Her blood pressure is not stabilizing, and her kidneys are not functioning.  They aren't failing, they're just not doing what they should be, so they've put her on dialysis.  She is still sedated until they can get her blood pressure stable.  So she's been asleep for a week almost.  : (

Please keep her and my family in your prayers so we can have her awake and healthy for Christmas!  We are all so worried.  She's been taking tiny little baby steps toward getting better, like her blood pressure keeps going up into a normal range, whereas before it was dangerously low, but we really want her awake and healthy!  At her age things are always so uncertain, it's unnerving.

I do take comfort, though, in knowing that because of Jesus Christ, whom we're celebrating this month, no matter what happens, gram will always be with us.  I know my Father in heaven knows what's best, even if it seems like a less than ideal situation.  He is protecting her and us in a way only He can.

My mom, gram, me and my daughter, E.  4 Generations of Murphy women!


***

Next on my list is just the good ol' end of pregnancy blues.  I can barely move, I'm so big and uncomfortable.  Hammy is 20 months old, so he requires someone nimble.  I am certainly not nimble.  I am a giant, slow moving turtle.  So Hammy is being a crazy, opportunistic toddler with a penchant for unscrewing all the christmas tree lights.  No amount of angry glares, shouts or threats of time out phase him.  The combination of my immobility and his impending initiation into the terrible twos has made life quite rough.

On top of that, Miss E, who never took Hammy's birth very well, is also reverting to the "I can't do anything myself" whining, overly dramatic toddler she once was.  She requires my help again for everything from putting on socks and buttoning pants to turning on the faucet.  Tasks she's had mastered for over a year.  It's incredibly frustrating when all I want to do is sit and rest, and all I get to do is jump up and do the bidding of an overly whiny person who is fully capable of doing it all herself.

Then Mr A... well, he's in his 3rd month of Kindergarten.  So he's developed this attitude of "I am my own boss, and everyone else's, too!".  He does whatever he wants, no matter if he knows it's wrong or not, then when you punish him, he argues.  And argues.  And argues some more.  He literally never stops arguing until you tell him you're ignoring him, and close his bedroom door, and even then he'll continue to argue through the door, no matter if you answer or not.

He is incredibly helpful at times, so I think I'll keep him, but boy oh boy this attitude he's developed!  I've heard it's all par for the course when they start Kindergarten, and figure out that the world is much bigger than they thought, but I'm ready for my helpful, sweet boy to come back!

My body is preparing for the baby, I can feel it.  My nerve endings are being zinged and lit up by him moving and settling farther down.  Sciatica and other nerve pain, as well as a shift in gravity have occurred.  I'm running out of energy quickly, though I do get some pangs of nesting energy here and there.  I like those!  They help me get stuff done!

I've tried caffeine as a quick pick me up, but it actually has the opposite effect on me.  It makes me incredibly shaky and sleepy, as does any sweets!  I don't have any options for getting more energy.  Just eating well and trudging along at my turtle pace.  So if you come over and my kids are messy, my house is cluttered and I look like a homeless person, try to be understanding, haha!  Only 3-6 more weeks to go!

Emotionally, I've been better.  I find when I go too long without eating I get REALLY irritable.  I mean REALLY REALLY, lol.  And of course all the other things that have been plaguing my mind lately.  I try to stay out of the darkness, but sometimes it's so overwhelming and all encompassing, I can't escape it.  I just wish I had someone to throw me a rope.

***

On the up side, my dad came to visit and that's always fun!  Sometimes it can be hectic going in and out of the city with the wee ones, but this time it was no sweat.  Even the day after a snow storm!  We didn't have many problems, probably due to the fact the kids are a bit older, so they were more cooperative than in the past, and handled the late hours better.

We couldn't go far though, due to the fact it was so cold!  We mostly just had meals and chatted, and caught up with my little sister, too.  My dad enjoys finer food, so we got to partake in some SUPER delicious steaks at both Abe & Louie's (my favorite steak house!) and the Mandarin Oriental's house restaurant, I think it's called Asana?  Or something like it.  Either way, yum!!  I wish I could eat there all the time!  Even the kids' mac & cheese was divine.

I do say there, bob, it's a might bit chilly out.


My dad is so generous and awesome.  He spoiled my kids so bad, by the time we met up with him the third time in as many days, E greeted him by saying "Hi grandpa!  Do you have more presents for us?" lol.  Spoiled kids, I tell you!  They made out like bandits, too.  My dad got A a remote control Porsche 911.  Not some run of the mill RC car, no way!  Not for his first grandbaby!  It's gotta be a Porsche!  haha!  A hasn't stopped playing with it since.  Literally.  He wakes up at 6am, runs to our room and asks over and over "Can I have my car?  Can I have my car?  Wake up, can I have my car!?"  He says the car is the best present he's ever gotten, and he's always wanted one since he was born.  What can I say, my dad knows things!  He also got E a my little pony designer coloring book.  It has pages and pages of blank ponies, stencils, glitter stickers, markers and who knows what else.  Erin has made about 4 quadillion ponies so far, and enjoys telling you about each one.  And these gifts are only the favorites!  He got them tons of other things, too!

I'm so grateful to have such a generous, huge hearted dad.  I was telling him at our hopefully-soon-to-be-traditional "coffee talk" (if you don't pronounce that in a thick New York accent, you're fired) that I'm so proud of the dad/granddad he's become.  When I was little things were more hectic.  It wasn't enjoyable, I'll say that much.  But now he's so easy to talk to, full of advice without judgement, and always seems to know what little gifts to give to cheer people up.  I'm pretty sure he has VIP status with Godiva thanks to me, lol.  I'm glad he's my dad.

An actual picture from our coffee talk. 


***

The quiet book is still sitting on my dresser, 80% finished.  It's waiting for my next nesting urge that isn't devoted to important baby-preparation.  I have a week and a day until Christmas, we'll see if it's finished before then!

My grandpa, gram and mom all gave money for Christmas gifts (it's much easier than shopping for a bazillion grand/great grandkids!) so I pooled all the money allotted for me, and bought a new sewing machine!  I got a Singer, because my gram, who's been sewing since cavemen chipped needles out of rock, swears by her Singer.  It's much older than I am, and she still creates gorgeous stuff with it.  My new one, however, has more buttons than the death star, and I know about as much about these buttons.  It's like getting a brand new luxury car before you know how to drive.

I shall name her "cookie".  Because my SIL says sewing machines, much like myself, subsist solely on cookies.

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