Friday, January 10, 2014

37 is the magic number

Tomorrow I'm 37 weeks. The magic number where baby is considered fully grown and able to make his grand entrance.

Baby watch 2014 will officially begin at midnight tonight. I feel like there should be some grand countdown and ball drop, but let's be real here; I'm in bed at about 9:30 every night, and the baby has already dropped so low if he gets any lower he'll fall out. So we'll just wake up tomorrow and throw a handful of confetti while silently convincing ourselves that even though I went the full 40 with a, e and l, that there really IS a chance I could go earlier this time. No really! 

Hah.

Anyways, today I went shopping even though I'm supposed to be off my feet. Yesterday I slipped and I'm almost certain my pelvis actually cracked in half, but hey guess what! When you have other kids you don't get the luxury of healing. They still need to eat and, well as much as your husband may try, sending him to the food store usually ends badly. Bless his heart for trying though.

When I was at the store two very pregnant things happened to me. First I got to hear those wonderful words that every pregnant woman ever just loves hearing. I mean, I'm pretty sure they teach you this stuff in some class specially designed to deal with hormonal, fat, hungry, exhausted, suffering wildebeests.

"Oh you must be overdue, you look so tired!"

Thanks! I'm not overdue but I am tired, which is really lucky for you because normally I would have shot back with something equally as passive aggressive, but seriously, I'm just too tired. And fat. Just hand me my donuts and shut up.

Before that, though, hammy was yelling for something all through the first half of the store. He clearly wanted something, but I couldn't figure out what he was saying. It sounded like "butt- ee". Usually he'll ask for snacks but he knows how to say snack, and this definitely wasn't it. When we got closer to the deli he kept saying "butt-ee! Butt-eeeee!" And I was really confused. Then I put two and two together. I am so hugely pregnant, every time I go to the market, what's the first thing I do? Go potty.  Yes, I'm so pregnant my child actually thinks going to the bathroom is a normal part of food shopping.

*sigh*

36 weeks and super fatty fat fats!

P.s. All those guys raving about "bikini bridges" obviously haven't seen "bikini Olympus Mons".  You can't really see the bikini past the belly, but you still know it's there.  Super hot.  I'll spare you the instagram pic.

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