Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Still not used to it

I just can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of someone being gone forever. It's not like you broke up with someone and you choose not to call them, but sometimes it's hard and you really have to convince yourself not to. You don't have a choice. There is no moment of weakness where you strongly consider it. They're just gone. Forever. For the rest of your entire life, they will not be there to talk to.

It's haunting me. I picture the hospital a lot. The last few times I saw her conscious but not all there. The last time I saw her before her surgery. The last time I hugged her. I think about all of it a lot when I'm laying in bed at night.

 I know some people don't have a close relationship with their grandmas but I was very close with my gram. I talked to her often. She was a huge part of my childhood, and a very important person to me.

It's so hard to get used to this person just not being there. They've disappeared. Nothing you say or do will change it. I don't know how people get over it.

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