I have days when I am so busy I almost forget about the missing part of my heart. Then I have days like today and yesterday where it seems like everything I think, everything I say and everything I do revolves around or is somehow related to my gram. I bet you're all sick of hearing about it. I'm sure I would be sort of confused if I were you guys. Grandparents aren't usually as close to their grandkids as my gram was to all of us. We were her life. Literally. Everything she did, she did for us. Every single time she went to the store, whatever store it was, she would come home with something for someone else. Usually bags full. I don't think it was possible for her to go to Kohls without picking out an outfit/pair of shoes for at least one of her grandkids and great grandkids. It was like she existed to make others lives better.
I guess that's the definition of an angel, right?
I know people have a habit of making a memory of someone much more fantastic and impossibly perfect than they were in real life, but that's not what I'm trying to do. She had her faults. She was well known for crying over everything (french fries included), and she was deaf as doornail and unbelievably stubborn. But when you actually looked at why she did what she did, it was always for a kind reason.
All of the hard things I've been going through, I look to her and think "if she could do it, so can I.". She still motivates me to keep going. She still impresses me with how happy she was after all she'd been through in her life. It still makes my heart ache to know I can't give her one last kiss and hug. It makes me so sad to know I can't tell her in person how grateful I am for everything she did; everything she survived.
I miss her so bad.